From The Slow Blink Cat Kiss To The Love Cloud
Happy Mancat Monday! Love is in the air as Cat Love Month continues and we’ve been thinking about love and trust. Cats only love those they trust. Love and attachment bonds can only happen once trust is established. This post is new and revised from an original post from last year.
When our former feral Domino (seen above) began returning my slow blink, it was a milestone. When our extremely fearful semi-feral Angel Gris Gris slow blinked me back it was like winning the love lottery. Ditto our new one-eyed foster kitty Nou Nou. A calm and trusting cat shows their love or approval of humans by slowly closing their eyes in a slow blink. We can return the “kitty kiss” by slowly blinking back. If you wear glasses remove them first so the cat can see your eyes clearly. Scientists say the blinking isn’t necessarily love but non-aggression. Cats slow blink other cats they live with and cats outdoors who aren’t threats. When cats feel aggressive or threatened they will display a hard unbllnking stare. You can gaze all goo goo eyed at your lover but if you get into a staring contest with a cat without blinking they will perceive you as a threat.
As a life long cat lover I’d noticed this behavior but never thought to give it a name but Anitra Frazier did. Over thirty years ago she wrote about the slow blink in her book The Natural Cat. Unlike today, there were very few books on cat behavior. The book became an early cat behavior bible for Jackson Galaxy and many other recent cat experts.
Chances are you’re already familiar with slow blink kitty kisses. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I can’t think of a better gift for you and your cat than going to the next level with my love cloud cat kiss. Enjoy it with a cat you love! P.S. It even works with blind cats or one-eyed cats.
THE LOVE CLOUD CAT KISS
by Layla Morgan Wilde
Like all things in life, practice make purrfect. This will take a little time to master but you and your cat are worth it. Every time you practice it will help deepen the bond between you and your cat.. It can be done with one or more cats.
- Choose a time when you’re feeling relaxed and not rushed. Unplug from digital devices. Only 5 minutes. You can do it!
- Go to the room where your cat is hanging out. After meal time is good. The cat doesn’t have to be next to you. A few feet away is fine. The bed, sofa or carpeted floor are all good places. Sit or lie down comfortably.
- Close your eyes and take a deep breath into your belly. If you’re not used to belly breathing, place your hand on your belly and when inhaling the belly will rise and not the chest. Take another belly breath and slowly exhale. After a few more slow deep breathes you will begin to feel more relaxed. Notice if and where you’re feeling tension. There might be a twinge in your neck or tightness in your back. Just notice and breathe into the tension and exhale with an open-mouthed cleansing release. Let it go. Let the day and any concerns float way with every breath.
- It’s amazing how even two or three minutes of this practice will reduce stress. Cats are constantly picking up on our energy and will mirror our feelings or internalize them. If you’re super stressed cats will notice. They may appear stressed or develop a stress reaction or behavior like excess grooming or peeing out of the litter box. Anything we can do to reduce our stress levels will benefit our cats.
Once you’re feeling relaxed, don’t be surprised if your cat has taken notice in the energy shift in you.
- Now imagine a small pink cloud of pure love in the center of your heart. With your eyes still closed, imagine or visualize in your mind’s eye, the pink cloud growing and floating until you can feel the love cloud all around you. Feel the safe, cozy warmth of pure love. This is your creation and you can make your love cloud to look, feel, smell and even sound anyway you want.
- Send the love cloud over to the cat. Imagine the pink love cloud floating from your heart into theirs and surrounding their body in a cocoon of love. Open you eyes and softly call your cat by name. Notice their reaction. Some cats will already be attracted to the energy and ready to snuggle up near you.
- Once you make eye contact, slowly close your eyes in a slow blink and verbally or silently say, I love you.
- Most cats will love blink back right away but if not, repeat a few times until the love blink is returned. Don’t push the point.
- If they haven’t slow blinked back and accept them as they are. Conscious acceptance and compassion is the most loving gift we can give to our cats and ourselves. Remember Practice makes purrfect.
Have a slow blink story or comment? I’d love to see it.
25 Comments
Dr. Leonard Fineman
Although my non-conformity will see me shouted down, ostracized, censored, or banned outright (humans are neither tolerant nor diverse, that much we know conclusively), I am not trying to be unkind in the slightest. Rather, my advice is very sincere, and is based on 30 years experience as a psychiatrist.
Don’t you think this is all slightly unnatural?
I mean, why not send these “love kisses” to a cockroach?
Because they’re not furry and cute I imagine.
The notion that an animal “loves” us, because we find it comforting to embrace, is a very nacrissistic notion.
Our tendancy to anthropomorphize animals is in direct relation to our affinity for those animals. Once again, it’s rare to see a person talk to a feral rat as if it were a human with human emotions. Rather, we scream at it and pay someone to kill it.
When the animals appeals to us, though, all of a sudden it “loves” us, and we can communicate with it telepathically, and we send it love clouds which just happen to be pink, and it’s all a little too selfish and narcissitic.
It also treads precariously close to beastiality. Lying on the bed and summoning one’s bet with a come-hither “I love you” is not the kind of relationship that humans traditionally have had with animals. At this point, the human is trying to get from the animal that which they feel they are not getting from their own species.
The fact is that cats do not “love” humans in the same way that humans love humans. Oh sure, we can and do interpret their actions the way we wish, but acts of objective altruism from cats to humans are relatively unheard of, and it takes no more than 24 hours before a cat will begin eating a deceased owner. Yes, your cat loves you so much that it will eat you at the onset of even modest hunger pains, and sometimes, even when they have other food available. I certainly hope that your husband or child would wait a bit longer, or would at least eat the stale potato chips first.
Your cat only “loves” you to the extent that you meet it’s needs. Stop providing for it, and your cat will gladly “love” the next person who will. It’s a very conditional relationship which belies true notions of “love”.
As such, if you are seeking emotional needs from an animal, I urge you to seek the care of a competent psychiatrist in your area. In understand that this advice will be met with defensiveness, rationalization, and hostility, that is to be expected, but regardless of what you feel the need to post publicly, I ask you to consider seeking help in your more private, introspective moments.
Last but not least, if you have this strong of a need to love something, please consider adopting a deserving human child. Their are many of them that desperately need love, and at least in their case, they will be capable of returning that love. There are no guarantees, of course, as some kids are more affectionate that others, but you will be taking the chance on a far more emotionally-complex being.
Children grow up to be garbagemen, CEO, presidents, teachers, the possibilities are endless, and your love and guidance will go a long way towards helping determine their outcome, and thus, society’s future. Cats grow up to be cats. Nothing more, nothing less. They simply have a far narrower range of complexity, which is why humans need human love, and cats need a kind and considerate owner who will care for them, but “kitty cloud love kisses” I believe is a socially-dangerous misdirection of human love.
I say this with nothing but constructiveness, and I wish you all the very best.
Layla Morgan Wilde
I agree that we are a culture that anthropomorphizes cats and most pets. It’s also true that cats don’t love us or perceive our love as small furry children. It’s one of the reasons I had an issue with Jackson Galaxy calling the “slow blink I love you” when the return blink is behaviorally a cue of acceptance, and not a threat. However as an intuitive who connects with many animal, I’ve experienced profound communication I can’t explain scientifically. Even renowned biologist and cat behaviorist Dr.John Bradshaw the author of Cat Sense admits he’s had otherworldly experiences with his own cats that belie science.
Connie Marie
I’m so glad I read this. So many good, mostly sad happenings in my life and my family’s, cat and son, it was calming and healing to read. I’ve gotten Slow Blinks, they’re wonderful. Mostly when they look, it’s to see if I feel them starring! Our best slow blinker Yoda, died unexpectedly before his 3rd birthday. RIP Yoda, you have been one of our best black cats ever. So the calming breaths had slipped my mind, Thank you for a wonderful post. Thank Domino too!
Layla Morgan Wilde
I just saw this. I’m so sorry to hear about Yoda. What happened? Many soft purrs of comfort to you during this sad time of loss.
maggie
I hadn’t heard of the slow blink but Tommie taught me about it many years ago. He’d lay at the end of the bed before lights out, and give me what we used to call “the blinkers”. There was a connection and affection in that look that I’d never experienced from any cat.
Bev Green
The slow blink has been well used for many years with my babies and fosters..and it is so lovely to have that connection..we will give the cloud a go for sure….we all could use some chill time!! loves Fozzimeum xx
The Swiss Cats
Mum does the slow blink since she was a child, she didn’t know what was the exact meaning, but she knew that both her and the cat felt good with it ; it’s time for her to try to relax and send us a love cloud ! Purrs
Sweet Purrfections
Thank you for the relaxation technique. Mom Paula really needs it.
Truffle give the love blink all the time. Brulee isn’t so giving, but she has responded at times.
Danielle
My cat started giving me kitty kisses as soon as we brought her home from the adoption center and it made me so happy!
the PDX pride
Rori: Mommy caught me on video when I was a baby, doing the slow blink! I was holding still, because I thought she was taking a still picture, but then I figured out it was a video so I did the slow blink at her. It’s the last second on the video, and it’s only half there, but it’s there! http://youtu.be/OOssQedD6Fg
Sue Brandes
I will have to give these a try. My soul kitty BearBear who passed always seemed to know what I was thinking. We had lots of together time and he loved to talk to me.
Flynn
Eric would always slow blink to me but Flynn very rarely. After Eric passed I won a book and CD about relaxation and animal communication and was attempting it with Flynn because he was so stressed. It wasn’t working and I mentioned it in a comment to you and you suggested the pink cloud method and it worked. We have quiet time together every day now but my pink cloud is actually my old fluffy pale green dressing gown because I can visualise it better. When Flynn was so ill and we thought we were going to lose him, I made the dressing gown into a nest for him and I know it comforted him. He also slow blinks to me all the time now as well.
Sometimes Cats Herd You
We MOLed at your “you can do it” encouraging the humans to unplug from the digital devices for five minutes. You know our humans waaaaay too well. Great description of the blink of love.
Sammy
I love this method of communication……I had a cat many years ago – also a ginger – who REALLY communicated this way and took it a step further making it a game…..left eye blink – right eye blink – until I copied him….two lefts and a right….whatever pattern, I copied it. After a few minutes of “play” he’d come over to me and hop on my lap and put his forehead on my forehead and push…….
Game, set, and match!
Hugs, Pam
Layla Morgan Wilde
That’s taking it to the next level. What a clever kitty!
Skeeter and Izzy
Luv doing this with my crew. I tell them I love them every day every chance I get!
Thank you for sharing this again!
Luvs
Skeeter and Izzy and the Feral Gang + Twig & Peanut & Romeo >^..^<
Annabelle
It is a wonderful feeling!
Tamago
Goro and I do a lot of kitty kisses with each other, when he is relaxing. I love his happy face when he does that 🙂
Melissa & Truffles
Truffles and I slow blink quite frequently!
Kathryn
Slow blinking is really great. So is sending subtle thought messages. I’ve been slow blinking since I don’t know when. As a child, I think. My cat Siami taught it to me. He slow blinked and one day I slow blinked back.
I can usually get the cats at Petsmart to slow blink – unless they are sleeping or eating or are too shy. They’re usually sleeping or eating.
I look at them and slow blink. I wait. After a few minutes, one usually returns the slow blink and often rolls over.
I tried it with the dogs in the doggie daycare at Petsmart. I stood without moving. The dogs all came to the window to see what was going on. (what’s up with me.)
I slow blinked.
They all barked. I had interrupted their sense of calm. Dogs are so different from cats.
Layla Morgan Wilde
Dogs are so different indeed 🙂
The Island Cats
I need to relax more and I think it’s affecting the cats. I’m definitely going to try this.
easy rider
that’s a nice way to say I love you… with a slow blink… it’s great to understand and to “speak” cat :o)
Summer
My human read Anitra Frazer’s book when it first came out, and has been slow blinking cats ever since!
Pawesome Cats
We’re gonna have to try this!