Every Day is Cat Saturday

It’s settled: I’m coming back as a pampered cat in my next life. Everything revolves around my fur gang directly or indirectly and they don’t have to lift a paw. Their advice to me?

If only it were that easy. How can I when their friends want to know what’s going on? Until cats get their own cell phones and computers, we humans will have to do the heavy lifting. Okay gang, I’m ready to take dictation because for them, every day is Cat Saturday!

Domino: Lady, take a chill pill or might I offer you some home grown catnip? I’d like everyone to know I walked this week without a trace of a limp! Yipee and I’m letting the man who feeds me, stroke my furs and not in a wimpy way. Does this mean I might one day be called formerly feral? I don’t let the camera lady stroke me because she gives me no food! She says the man feeds me too much. She also says I’m very handsome or is it a ploy to make me pose for her? Well, I do have luxurious whiskers, don’t you think?

Odin: Our mom Layla let me go before Merlin since I was a pretty good boy this week. I didn’t steal or break anything of value. I played nicely with the foster girl Ling Ling and she hardly hissed at all this week. I wouldn’t mind a girlfriend but she is much older. I nap on the stairs and dream about her. It’s good place to also play security guard. No one can pass without the secret password. Merlin never gets it right and growls at me. P.S. Decorating tip. Don’t select black carpet if you have a cat with white furs.

We’re only supposed to get one photo per cat this week but I’m an extra whiny baby and got two. Ah, the perks of being the baby in the family. Must run. I hear someone calling my name. Take it away Gris Gris…

Gris Gris: How do you follow that? Let Odin hog the limelight, I prefer to cheer from the sidelines. It’s been a very good week indeed for shadowy outdoor pursuits. My #1 job of being purrsonal bodyguard and seeing-eye cat for Merlin takes serious concentration, but I love it. There’s never a dull moment.

Merlin: Mom… do you have to post embarrassing pictures of my blindness? I can walk just fine. I use my whiskers, tail and fine nose to guide me.

Show some respect in my old age. Thank Bast for Gris Gris keeping an eye on me. We found some very peculiar odors emanating from the blackberry bush, which had nothing to do with cellphones and everything to do with introoders.

There nothing like a good sniff and stroll to keep the old juices flowing. My only complaint is being called a wet blanket for being the only one hissing at Ling Ling. My mom is always talking to me, communicating, asking me how I feel, and I keep telling her I don’t like that Ling Ling. I don’t care how cute she is or about her sob story. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it for now.

Ling Ling: I would have never thought that someone of my own kind, a Siamese, if you please, could be so mean. There we were Odin and me playing my favorite ribbon snake game when he waltzed in like the big stinky cheese. Needless to say, the party was over.

To make Merlin happy, Layla closes me in my own little apartment at night. I don’t mind after we have a long cuddle time while she reads, but by morning I’m mad. I’m a cuddle bug lap cat and I want her all to myself. I drape myself across her shoulders, purr my heart out, give her butterfly kisses on her eyelids and she still leaves me for him. In the morning, she calls me and looks all over for me but tee hee, I stay quiet as a mouse. There are many places to hide in these three rooms on two floors.

Every day I play a game and pick a different spot to hide. Today, she gasped to find me at the tippy top shelf of the linen closet. Not too bad for an old girl of eleven. Try that Merlin!

Then she feeds me breakfast and all is well. We communicate all the time and I know she’s worried about me. I am getting old. My chocolate mask is suddenly flecked with gray. My chin is hairless and I have no teeth. I don’t want to go to yet another home. Why is life so complicated? But don’t feel sorry for me, I’m one of the lucky cats who has a foster home and a safe place to sleep every night.

Have a good weekend and love a cat or two or three…